MWT 2007: Misting 6: Stephunzel
by Billie Marie
Summary: 6th fan fic in the Mystery Wrestling Theater 2007 series. In this episode, our heroes find out that time is very different where they are than it is back on Earth.  Also, Hunter has to suffer through an awful story featuring him, his wife, and his inlaws.
1. Stephunzel: Intro

**Title: **

**Mystery Wrestling Theater 2007: **

**Misting #6: Stephunzel**

**Rated: Suitable for mature teens and older **

**Summary: 6th fan fic in the Mystery Wrestling Theater 2007 series. In this episode, our heroes find out that time is very different where they are than it is back on Earth. Additionally, Hunter has to suffer through an awful story featuring him, his wife, and his in-laws. **

**Thanks to those who have read my fan fics. Hope you've enjoyed them. I like reading the comments people have given me. Thanks so far everyone.**

**Recap: In the last fic in the series, we saw that a paranoid Sean Waltman was being, or thought he was being, stalked by Vince's camera, a camera that looks like a snake. The camera, named Serpentina, took Sean's rejection of 'her' badly and wrote a letter, which Vince sent. By now, our heroes have definite personalities. Bret acts like a mother, granted a frequently frustrated one. He cares for his other crew members. However, Shawn tries to push his buttons. Shawn acts very immature even though he's the second. Triple H is insulting sometimes and other times, he acts like a mediator between Bret and Shawn. Sean is just like a kid. He requires someone to care about him, but acts out too.**

**Characters: Sean Waltman, Bret Hart, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Vince McMahon and references of Linda, Shane and Stephanie McMahon **

**Time: (in case you're not sure) The first fan fic took place shortly after New Year's Revolution on January 9th. The second fan fic took place on January 24 just before Royal Rumble. The 3****rd**** took place on February 8****th****. The 4****th**** fan fic took place on March 10****th****. The 5****th**** took place on March 25****th****. The 6****th**** is taking place June 8****th****. Confused? Read the 6****th**** fan fic.**

**Yeah, the next part is the same as usual.**

**Sources: I do not own any of the wrestlers or Vince or his children. I don't own the characters or the concept from Mystery Science Theater. The only original character in the series is Marie, Vince's hired writer and finder of awful spams and fan fics.**

**I also am not the person who came up with the concept of mixing wrestling and Mystery Science Theater. My inspiration is Amanda Stevens who came up with the wonderful cast of misters that I am currently using. **

**Format: All parts will be in script form. Actions will be in (). The name of the character talking will be bold. Things that are part of the post will be written in italics.**

**Enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 1:  Real Time

Time: 5 days after our heroes read Serpentina's letter to Sean or the 11th day of our heroes' captivity (whichever you, the reader, prefer). This is taking place a few weeks after Judgment Day, which was May 20th. I figure the date on Earth to be right around June 8th at the time that our heroes are reading this fic.

**Pay attention to what is said about time in this story.**

Time of day: Afternoon, or at least what passes for it for our heroes

**Shawn:** Oh, man…

**Hunter:** It's going to be okay, pal.

**Shawn:** No it's not. My career is over.

**Bret:** Drama queen.

**Sean:** Bret…

**Bret:** Sorry, reflex.

Our heroes were in the satellite's den in front of the plasma television. They'd been there for a while.

Shawn was currently sitting down on the couch. He was shocked and depressed at what he'd just seen. Hunter sat beside him on the armrest. Bret and Sean stood behind the couch.

Hunter put his hand on Shawn's shoulder to comfort his friend. It didn't work, as Shawn responded by putting his face in his hands.

**Hunter:** (looks to Bret and Sean) A little help here.

**Bret:** He's your friend.

**Hunter:** He listens to you.

**Bret:** No he doesn't.

**Sean:** (as Bret and Hunter talk, Sean's been looking to his left, now he tries to get attention) Guys…

**Hunter:** He respects you.

**Bret:** Since when?

**Sean:** (still trying to interrupt) Guys…

**Hunter:** He looks up to you.

**Bret:** Only when I knock him down.

**Sean:** (shouts) Guys! (this has finally gotten Hunter and Bret's attention)

**Hunter & Bret:** What?

**Sean:** We're being watched again. Just thought you should know.

Hunter and Bret looked at the wall to Sean's left. Vince's small wall camera was on. For once, it wasn't Sean's paranoia.

**Bret:** Hi everyone back on Earth.

**Hunter:** You're comfortable; we're still in pain.

**Bret:** There's a lot to tell. I'm not quite sure where to begin.

**Sean:** The beginning's always good.

**Hunter:** Just begin with what the viewers last saw.

**Bret:** (looks at the wall camera) The last thing you, the viewers, saw was Sean receiving an email from…

**Hunter:** His girlfriend.

**Sean:** She is not my girlfriend.

**Hunter:** She wants to be.

**Sean:** If everything goes the way I want it to, she won't want to be much longer.

**Hunter:** Don't tell me you're going to try to kill her again.

**Sean:** No…

**Bret:** Does whatever you're doing have anything to do with those noises I keep hearing from the holoporter?

**Sean:** Yes.

**Bret:** Just what are you doing in there when the rest of us are sleeping that requires a 'DO NOT DISTURB' sign to be posted on the door?

**Sean:** (rubs his hands together, excited by his work) You'll see.

**Hunter:** (imagining the worst) I don't know if I want to.

**Bret:** Anyway, Sean's email was received twelve days ago and since then Vince hasn't sent another post.

**Shawn:** What he sent was worse.

**Bret:** You see, being up in this satellite, millions of miles away from Earth means that our sense of time is…

**Shawn:** Shot to hell.

**Bret:** (getting slightly annoyed by everyone interrupting him) Nice to see you coming around, Shawn. Would you like to speak?

**Shawn:** No.

**Bret:** So, since the satellite was without a time system and without Earth's time being available to us, the Kid had to set up a time system for the ship.

**Hunter:** And he botched it.

**Sean:** Like to have seen you do better.

**Bret:** And because of the Kid's handiwork, it seems that for every day that we spend on the SOD, approximately fifteen days go by on Earth.

**Hunter:** Which is why I don't have any idea what's going on in any of my favorite television shows.

**Bret:** And it explains why whenever we watch regular tv, or surf the internet, none of the dates make sense.

**Sean:** I tried to fix the time…

**Hunter:** But the whole thing blew up in your face. So, we're screwed.

**Bret:** I really hate that term. (pause, collecting his thoughts) Anyway, we were trying to understand all of that between the fourth and sixth days of our time here, when on the seventh day Vince, watching carefully as always, told us about the time difference.

**Hunter:** Not that it helps us any. I still can't watch any of my favorite shows. Damn you Vince!

**Sean:** (puts a hand on Hunter's shoulder) Poor guy. First Vince puts him on the satellite, taking him away from his wife and daughter, and then messes up his tv viewing habits.

**Shawn:** Well, we don't have to worry about not knowing what's going on in wrestling now. (groans)

**Bret:** Not that I really wanted to know. (pause) You see, Shawn was trying to find out what's been going on in wrestling for a while, especially since he figured he was going to be missing a RAW soon, if he hadn't already…

**Shawn:** Low and behold, I've missed twenty-one episodes of RAW, the Royal Rumble…(really upset) Wrestlemania…my career is over.

**Bret:** Shawn, why don't you tell the audience exactly what is going on? It may make you feel better.

**Shawn:** (looks at the wall camera, sighs) It was the morning of the seventh day that I started searching the internet for information on WWE.

**Hunter:** Course, he needed some help.

**Shawn:** (snapping) Yes, yes, I'm technologically impaired. I know that. (calmer) So, after Hunter assisted, I got on the internet and discovered, one, that it was April 9th, (glares at Sean) not January 16, and two, that we were barred from entering all wrestling websites. I must have tried fifty wrestling websites, including ones dedicated to Bret. They were all blocked.

**Bret:** I think that sent a message to Vince because he appeared shortly after.

**Shawn:** Then he decided to inform us of the time difference…and send us all the RAW, Smackdown, ECW and payperviews that I've missed.

**Bret:** And we have been watching 'wrestling' for the last four days, meaning on Earth, it's approximately June 8th. (off on a tangent) I'm not even sure if what we watched was wrestling. At times I thought I was watching the inside of a nut house or stip club with all the weapons, chaos, and half naked women about.

**Shawn:** That means you didn't like it, huh?

**Bret:** I liked watching Benoit and the Undertaker, but there is a person from a reality show trying to be a professional wrestler and there are women having water fights.

**Shawn:** I admit the Miz sucks, but Candice Michelle has potential.

**Hunter:** (shocked) Shawn…

**Shawn:** I'm not married anymore Hunter. Have to get my thrills where I can find them. (glares at the tv screen) What I was not ready to see was me on RAW, and at the Royal Rumble, and at Wrestlemania…I was so angry…

**Hunter:** That you almost kicked the television. I had to hold you back.

**Bret:** And we had to actually call out for Vince, who I knew was watching.

**Sean:** (looking at the wall camera) Get this, Vince told us that he cloned Shawn Michaels.

**Shawn:** He took my DNA. He violated me in order to create an abomination, who proceeded to wreck my career. I lost the Royal Rumble…at least I lost to the Undertaker. Losing to anyone else would have been embarrassing. Then, I lost at Wrestlemania…to Cena.

**Bret:** Who, as much as it pains me to say it, I know you can outwrestle.

**Shawn:** I didn't even steal the show.

**Hunter:** I thought you did. And remember, that wasn't you who lost. It was your clone, who doesn't possess the talent or charisma that you do.

**Shawn:** (starting to cheer up) Really? You and Bret aren't just saying that.

**Hunter:** No, we mean it. (looks at Bret) Right?

**Bret:** I said it pained me, didn't I?

**Sean:** Unfortunately, it goes into the record book as Shawn losing. (Shawn looks downward again, depressed by that thought)

**Hunter:** Nice going Kid.

**Shawn:** (sits up again) No, he's right.

**Hunter:** Well, then, you know that it also goes into the record books that you held the tag team titles with Cena. If you really did that, I'd have to hurt you.

**Shawn:** I know. After watching someone that looks like me tag with Cena, I wanted to hurt my clone. Now, someone already beat me to it because just recently the Great Khali slammed him through the announcer's table on RAW.

**Bret:** What did you expect when your clone went for a suplex against that giant? Even you're smarter than that.

**Shawn:** Thanks, I think…To top it off, Randy gave my clone a concussion at Judgment Day on top of the one the Great Khali had given him.

**Sean:** On the plus side, the clone's gone now.

**Shawn:** For how long? Will Vince bring him back? Will Vince let me come back or is the name of Shawn Michaels destined to be shut out of this year's Summerslam and Survivor Series?

**Sean:** Aren't you overdoing it just a bit?

**Hunter:** If I didn't know better, I'd say you almost want that clone back so that you don't appear to miss those events entirely.

**Shawn:** Don't be ridiculous.

**Bret: **(knowing Shawn's ego) Uh huh. (Shawn looks behind him and glares at Bret)

The familiar beeping goes off.

**All:** (groan)

Vince appears.

**Vince:** Good to see all of you too. So, you watched everything that I sent you.

**All:** Yes.

**Vince:** And you know exactly what's going on now.

**All:** Yes.

**Shawn:** Why didn't you tell us sooner?

**Vince:** And miss the expressions on your faces when you slowly found out. No…

**Sean:** I actually was fine about watching the wrestling tapes. I'm not in any of those tapes, nor am I mentioned. I like those far more than reading fan fic.

**Shawn:** Speak for yourself.

**Sean:** Well, you were the only one featured, or at least your clone was, but most people think it was you, so you're the only one who felt uncomfortable.

**Hunter:** The Kid's kind of got a point, pal. (Shawn glares at his friend)

**Bret:** I felt uncomfortable.

**Shawn:** Of all people, Bret is the one who gives me sympathy.

**Bret:** While I have a little sympathy for you, most of my uncomfortable feelings come from the fact that I really don't like much of today's wrestling.

**Shawn:** You just don't like anything new and different.

**Bret:** If new and different means two women fighting in a tub of pudding, then you're right.

**Hunter:** I actually found that entertaining.

**Bret:** (sarcastic) That's a surprise.

**Hunter:** (ignoring Bret's sarcasm) It almost made up for Cena keeping the belt…(thought about it) Almost.

**Vince:** I'm glad you thought so, Hunter. However, I don't think Stephanie will be too happy to hear that.

**Hunter:** (realizing he should have considered his words more carefully) You wouldn't…

**Vince:** I would.

**Hunter:** You can't blame me for thinking that two scantily clad women fighting in pudding is attractive. I'm on this satellite for God's sake sleeping with men.

**Shawn:** (shocked) Hunter…

**Hunter:** You know what I mean Shawn.

**Vince:** "Sleeping with men". That is another clip to show Stephanie. She is going to be so upset in seeing it.

**Hunter:** Vince…

**Vince:** Please, let me stop you before you lash out with another worthless threat. You're going to want to save them for the fan fic that you are going to read soon.

**Hunter:** As if my life couldn't get any worse.

**Sean:** It's Hunter's turn to get tortured.

**Hunter:** You sound almost happy about that, Kid.

**Sean:** It's not me being tortured, so I am happy.

**Bret:** I think the other Shawn's ego is spreading to the Kid.

**Shawn:** (taking offense) Hey!

**Hunter:** So…just what is the fan fic about?

**Vince:** It's based on a fairy tale.

**Hunter:** Which one?

**Vince:** I want you to figure that out.

**Hunter:** I hate guessing games. Please tell me one thing.

**Vince:** Within reason.

**Hunter:** It's not done in Disney style is it? You know where there's music, singing and annoying animal sidekicks.

**Vince:** No…though that's not a bad idea for a later story.

**All (but Hunter and Vince):** Hunter!

**Shawn:** Nice going pal. Like Vince needs ideas.

**Vince:** Shall we get on with it?

**Bret:** Do we get a choice?

**Vince:** No.

**Bret:** Then, let's get this over with.

Vince smiles evilly and disappears.

**Sean:** I hate the way that man smiles.

The familiar alarms and lights go off and our heroes put their hands over their ears.

**Sean:** And I hate that sound.

End of Ch. 1

As always, reviews are most welcome. I first started writing this fan fic before the Chris Benoit incident. This takes place before that. That's why Bret says something positive about Chris. Considering the context, I'm leaving it in. Also, I don't dislike Cena. However, I know other people do, and I couldn't resist including negative comments. For those of you who like Cena, take heart that it's coming from Hunter and Shawn's viewpoints.


	3. Chapter 2: Once Upon A Time

Our heroes sit in this order in their usual row: Sean, Bret, Shawn, Hunter.

**Sean:** Wait, why are Bret and Shawn sitting together? I thought we stopped allowing that since just before Bret's fan letter?

**Bret:** We did.

**Shawn:** But Hunter wasn't pleased that you were happy that this fan fic was about him, Kid.

**Sean:** I wasn't happy about that, just happy that I'm not the subject.

**Shawn:** Still, knowing about your past feelings about Hunter, and his about you, Bret and I made a quick command decision and decided that we could stand to sit together for one night in order to keep you and Hunter as far from each other as possible.

**Sean:** I don't see how you and Bret sitting between Hunter and me helps. I'll still tease Hunter. It's just that now he has to go through the two of you to get to me.

**Shawn:** Nah, you see if you tease Hunter too much, I can go through Bret to reach you. (Bret eyes him)

**Hunter:** And I suppose having the opportunity to go through Bret during this fan fic is more important than helping me out?

**Shawn:** Well, lets just say it's a bonus.

**Bret:** (realizing Shawn tricked him) That wasn't a part of the plan.

**Shawn:** So I left one part of the plan out.

**Bret:** I'm warning you Michaels, if you even look like you're going to hit me, kick me, poke me, or touch me in any way, I will take you into the aisle, bend you over my knee and give you the spanking you deserve.

**Shawn:** I'll be sure to lower my pants for you, mommy.

**Bret:** You keep your pants on. Believe me, I can still deliver a bad enough spanking to your ass that will leave you unable to sit for days.

**Sean:** Oh…bad imagery. It's going to take a while to get that one out of my head.

**Hunter:** Mine too. Can we start the stupid fan fic now?

_Message from Marie: Sure, just waiting on you gentlemen. You ready?_

**Hunter:** As ready as I'll ever be.

_Then enjoy the following story by yours truly: Stephunzel_

**Sean:** What's a 'Stephunzel'?

**Bret:** A demented version of Rapunzel…I'm guessing.

**Shawn:** The story where the girl with the long hair is stuck in a tower by a witch?

**Bret:** Either that, or the one in which the miller's daughter spins straw into gold. I always get those two stories mixed up.

**Hunter:** It's the one Shawn mentioned. That's as much as I know. (stares at the screen) Looking at that title, I think I know who's playing the part of Rapunzel.

**Sean:** But I thought this story was supposed to be about you Hunter, not Stephanie.

**Hunter:** I think Vince knew that a fan fic starring my wife would be more painful than one starring me.

_Once upon a time_

**Shawn:** Now that's original.

_there lived a middleaged maiden in her small but quaint cottage home._

**Sean:** 'Middle-aged maiden'? Isn't that just a polite term for spinster or old maid?

**Shawn:** Apparently, fairy tales have to be more politically correct these days.

_She lived alone. She was used to it._

**Sean:** Hence why the term spinster is the better word choice. 'Middle-aged maiden' sounds like she's longing for a middle-aged prince to take her away from her 'quaint cottage home'.

**Bret:** (tired of Sean obsessing) Let it go Kid.

_There were times however when the woman longed for companionship._

**Hunter:** (continuing the story) So, she went to the tavern not far from her cottage, where she and several men had a good time.

**Shawn:** I don't think she'd be considered a maiden then.

**Hunter:** If we're being politically correct, I don't think the story can directly come out and call her a whore.

_One night she got just what she wanted._

**Bret:** The saying 'be careful what you wish for' just came into my mind.

_It was a dark and stormy night._

**Shawn:** How cliché.

**Hunter:** Expect evil.

**Sean:** Why can't evil ever occur on a bright sunny day?

_The middleaged maiden_

**Sean: **(to the author) Could you at least put a hyphen between 'middle' and 'aged'?

_sat at the table in her kitchen staring at her flowered curtains._

**Shawn:** As long as she's not sitting on her toilet in the bathroom, she can sit anywhere she wants in the story.

**Hunter:** She probably doesn't have a toilet. She's probably still using a chamber pot.

**Shawn:** Ewww…

**Bret:** (looking at DX) Bathroom humor. Well, that's typical for you two.

_Her curtains stared back at her, the flowers seeming like hundreds of eyes_.

**Sean:** Okay…that has to be the worst sentence I have ever read. One, curtains don't stare back.

**Shawn:** Actually, one is I wouldn't stare at my curtains in the first place.

**Sean:** But since this woman has no life…

**Shawn:** She stares at curtains…(sounding confused) which stare back at her, with flowers for eyes.

**Bret:** It's personification.

**Shawn:** Huh?

**Bret:** Personification. You know when an animal or inanimate object does something a person would.

**Shawn:** Oh.

**Bret:** And the second part with the flowers…that's a simile. You know when you compare two different objects using 'like'or 'as'.

**Hunter:** (realizing that if they keep misting this much during the story that the story will never end) This has been yet another English lesson from Bret Hart. We now return to your regularly scheduled program.

_Suddenly the glass of the cottage's window burst. _

**All:** (scream)

**Shawn:** What the hell?

**Sean:** This woman has telekinesis. She just willed the window to break.

**Hunter: **You've been reading way too many comic books. She doesn't have telekinesis.

**Sean:** So how did the window break?

**Hunter:** Who cares? It's bad fan fic. Who looks for explanations in bad fan fic?

_Wind and rain came through the broken window, soaking the curtains._

**Shawn:** (as the middle-aged woman, overdramatic) My curtains…my only friends that I have ever known. They're ruined.

_The woman came to the window and peered out into the darkness. _

**Sean:** (continuing the story) Suddenly, a cat came by and scratched her eyes out.

_She thought she saw a dark, hunched over figure a few feet away. Wondering what someone would be doing out in weather such as this, she grabbed her shawl, opened her door and walked to the figure._

**Sean:** (continuing the story) On closer inspection, she saw that it was a dead body. It had been stabbed and gutted. Horrified, the woman turned only to find a knife before her. The knife cut her throat. She bled to death.

**Bret:** All right, no more late night horror movies for you, young man.

_The woman saw that the figure was shivering, as he had only his cape to keep warm._

**Hunter:** What, is he naked under the cape?

"_Excuse me," replied the woman. "May I…"_

_The dark figure turned upon hearing her voice and looked up into her eyes, causing the woman to forget what she was going to say next._

**Sean:** He hypnotized her.

**Hunter:** First, telekinesis, now hypnosis. Grow up Kid.

_Then the figure blinked and the woman came out of her momentary trance._

**Sean:** (to Hunter) See that? A trance, like in hypnosis.

**Hunter:** Lucky guess.

_The woman looked at the man, it was a man,_

**Shawn:** She had to double check. It had been so long since she'd seen one.

_with very short gray hair and the blackest eyes she had ever seen. He could be close to her age, but something had not gone well and he looked weak and tired._

**Bret:** While he's still weak and tired, back away and call the police, lady.

_He coughed, "Who…who are you?"_

**Bret: **(to the woman) Don't answer. Just leave.

**Shawn:** Bret, you're asking for the woman to have common sense. I think we already established that the characters and authors of bad fan fic have no common sense.

_The woman spoke, "Linda…I'm Linda."_

**Hunter:** And I have a bad feeling about this.

_Linda asked, "And you are?"_

**All:** The devil!

"_Vince", he replied._

**All:** Close enough.

**Shawn:** I wonder if this is how Vince and Linda met for real.

**Hunter:** I highly doubt Vince would look like a drowned rat in any encounter with the opposite sex.

**Shawn:** You're right. He just looks like a rat.

_Linda wondered, "What brings you out in this weather?"_

"_I was traveling home after coming back from a friend's funeral when lighting caused my horse to startle. My horse threw me off and ran away, leaving me on foot."_

**Shawn:** The horse was smart. He got out of this fan fic before he was written in.

**Hunter:** Not too smart. The horse didn't throw Vince hard enough. He's still alive.

_"You poor thing," said Linda, full of pity._

**Bret:** I sense something really stupid about to happen.

_Linda had an idea, "Come with me. My house is just down this walk. Inside, I will hang up your wet clothes and get you some warm food."_

**Bret:** I was right.

**Shawn:** She was obviously never told to not invite strangers inside her home.

**Bret:** That was a double negative.

**Shawn:** Shut up.

"_I cannot possibly trouble you," replied Vince._

"_And I cannot let you stay out here," countered Linda._

**Hunter:** Well, she could, but that would mean there'd be no story. Damn compassion.

_Vince saw that Linda was firm_

**Hunter: **I didn't want to hear that about my mother-in-law.

**Shawn:** I don't think that's what the author means. At least, I hope not.

_and he followed her into her home and received her care._

**Hunter:** Guys, you realize that we've done more misting than actual reading?

**Shawn:** So…

**Hunter:** So, at this rate, this story is going to take a while to get through.

**Sean:** It just means that this story is really bad.

**Bret:** (changing the subject) You know (all eyes on him) I don't think what we read is very close to the story of 'Rapunzel' at all. I don't remember a lonely woman. Wasn't that 'Thumbelina'?

**Shawn:** The author is as mixed up in her fairy tales as you are.

**Bret:** It's been a while since my kids have been young enough for fairy tales.

**Shawn:** You really are an old man. (Bret glares)

**Hunter:** (not wanting an argument) All right, let's return to the story, please.

_In a short time, Linda and Vince fell in love and were married._

**Shawn:** That was fast.

**Hunter:** What? You want details?

_Shortly thereafter, they rejoiced in the knowledge that Linda was expecting._

**Sean:** Expecting what?

**Shawn:** (almost in disbelief) Is that a serious question?

**Sean:** Yes. What is Linda expecting?

**Shawn:** It looks like it's time to have 'the talk'. (looks to Bret) He's all yours Bret.

**Bret:** Why do I have to be the one to teach him?

**Shawn:** Because you've given 'the talk' four times, right? You're experienced.

**Bret:** I gave 'the talk' to my sons. Julie gave it to my daughters.

**Shawn:** Then, you should be able to talk to the Kid.

**Sean:** Guys, I know 'the talk', thank you so much. So, Linda's expecting a baby?

**Hunter:** It does explain why she and Vince got married so fast.

**Shawn:** Sinners.

_If it was a girl, they decided that they would name her Stephunzel, for Linda loved the name Steph, but Vince was fond of the name Rapunzel, which was in fact the name of the type of lettuce Vince had fed Linda throughout her time._

**Sean:** 'Throughout her time'?

**Hunter:** I don't think fairy tales can directly say that anybody was pregnant.

**Shawn:** Yeah, they leave the explanation of where babies come from up to the parents. (off topic) I can't believe Vince wanted to name his kid after a lettuce.

**Bret:** That is more true to the fairy tale.

_As her time continued, Linda began to feel unwell and was restricted to bed rest for most of her days._

**Hunter:** She should have eaten saltines for the morning sickness. It worked for Stephanie.

_Linda even thought she was losing her mind, for she thought Vince had changed._

**Shawn:** (as Linda, overemotional) You don't love me anymore.

_Once concerned and attentive, Vince was now hurried and in bad temper._

**Sean:** I thought it was the women that get mood swings when pregnant?

**Bret:** Sometimes the men have mood swings.

**Shawn:** Talking from experience Hitman? (Bret resisted the urge to look at him)

_He seemed more concerned with the baby than with Linda._

**Shawn:** (as Linda) You wouldn't care if I just died, as long as the baby lived.

_As her time ended, Linda became more delirious and sure that the man she had married was not as he seemed._

**Hunter:** Vince drugged Linda. It's just like that wrestling storyline from a few years back, except for the pregnancy.

_Linda could do nothing to save herself or her baby so on a dark and stormy night, similar to the one when she had met Vince, Linda's life slipped away only minutes after a new life was born._

**All:** Damn!

**Shawn:** A fairy tale that killed someone other than the villain.

**Hunter:** So much for happy endings, although, Linda is at least out of the fan fic.

_When Linda had breathed her last_

**Bret: **(to the author) I understand figurative language, but could you just say she died?

_Vince took the baby in his arms, "You are full of promise. The world will want you, but you are mine. You belong only to me. My flesh, my blood, my strength."_

**Hunter:** Possessive much.

_Linda's disturbing feelings of Vince were correct. Vince had wanted only one thing and that was the baby in his arms._

**Shawn:** I was only kidding about him not caring if Linda died.

_For Vince was really an evil witch._

**Sean:** Witches are women, aren't they? Wouldn't he be a warlock?

**Bret:** I thought he was the devil.

**Hunter:** (wanting to get through this fan fic faster) Either way, he's evil, moving on.

_A witch that had to choose a maiden to carry his child every twenty years. He had been at this for 2000 years now._

**Hunter:** (doing math out loud) 2000 divided by 20…Vince has 100 kids?

**Bret:** I think we know why he kills their mothers. Who'd want to pay all that alimony and child support?

_Vince was well practiced now_

**Shawn:** I'd say. By the 100th kid, I'm sure Vince has seen it all.

_and he took his child, whom he named Stephunzel, and disappeared from his last wife's home forever._

**Sean:** Leaving Linda's body to be found by the police three weeks later. Of course, this is only after the neighbor's complain that something smelly is coming from the middle-aged maiden's home.

_Vince took his daughter to his home, deep in the woods of a land far from his daughter's birth. There she grew up in only his presence, as had all his children before her. She was attractive and intelligent, as were all his children. Playful and mischievous too, but always obedient to him._

**Bret:** Wait till she becomes a teenager.

_Stephunzel was different from Vince's other children in only one major way._

**Sean:** So wait, is the author saying that all previous 99 kids were exactly the same? Is that even possible?

**Shawn:** Only if cloning was invented a long time ago.

**Sean:** Speaking of clones, where do you think yours is now that, according to WWE, you have a concussion?

**Shawn:** I hope the abomination is burning in hell.

**Hunter:** Shawn, it's not the clone's fault. It's Vince's.

**Shawn:** I've already wished that Vince were burning in hell. It hasn't gotten me anywhere.

_Unlike his other children, Stephunzel was a girl._

**Sean:** (looking at the screen in disbelief) 99 boys?

**Bret:** And I thought having seven brothers was sometimes tough enough.

**Hunter:** Could you imagine being the youngest in that group?

**Bret:** (shudders, thinking back to what his five older brothers did to him when was they were kids)

_As the years passed by, Vince realized more and more that Stephunzel would pose a challenge for him. One he swore to overcome._

**Sean:** The next line better not say that he had to overcome his desire for her.

**Hunter:** (disgusted) You have a sick mind.

_For as Stephunzel grew up, she grew more and more beautiful. She had intelligent, but innocent eyes. For she was sheltered and knew only what her father taught her._

**Shawn:** If she knows all that Vince knows, how exactly is she intelligent?

**Bret:** Vince is very smart. A better question is how exactly would she be innocent?

_She had smooth skin like a china doll's._

**Hunter:** Because she hasn't seen much of the sun, I'm guessing.

_She also had a good nature. Kind and charming. She loved animals and they loved her. Even birds that stayed far from her father would bravely feed in her hands._

**Bret:** Just how did Vince raise someone with such a good personality?

**Shawn:** Obviously, the child's more like her mother.

_But Stephunzel's most wondrous and beautiful feature was her hair. Golden as the summer sun when it shines upon ocean waves, her hair shone brightly in its own delicate waves._

**Bret:** More worthless figurative language. All that to say she's a blonde.

**Shawn:** A blonde with wavy hair.

**Sean:** Stephanie's not blonde.

**Hunter:** She was a while ago.

_Vince told Stephunzel that her hair was a treasure. One that she must never cut or alter and so she never did. Her hair grew and grew._

**Hunter:** And grew until it filled Vince's home to the point where it eventually suffocated Vince and his daughter and they died. The end.

**Shawn:** You realize you just rewrote it so that your wife dies.

**Hunter:** Only way to ensure this story ended. Stephanie would understand.

_By her twelfth birthday, Stephunzel's hair was longer than her body._

**Sean:** It was so long that one day she tripped on it and fell face first. She cracked her skull wide open and died soon after.

**Hunter:** Sean!

**Sean:** You said she would understand.

**Hunter:** She would understand me rewriting it, not you.

_Unfortunately for Vince, he could make it so that Stephunzel didn't change her hair, but he couldn't make her body stop going through its changes._

**Bret:** No, that's impossible, but he could force her into men's clothes and pass her off as a boy.

**Sean:** To pass her off as a boy, it would mean that Vince would have to cut her hair.

**Bret:** Why? Shawn has long golden hair and to some, he's still considered a man.

**Shawn:** I heard that. At one point in your career, your hair was pretty long too.

**Bret:** But I still looked enough like a man so that no one questioned what I was.

**Shawn:** (glared at Bret, but Hunter tapped him on the shoulder signaling his friend to be quiet)

_Vince feared that one day she would go into the world and attract unwanted attention. He feared that she would be unprepared and make the wrong choices and he would lose her forever._

**Shawn:** So he sent her to live with nuns. (rethinking that) Wait, never mind. He wouldn't send her to a place that would possibly burn her at the stake.

**Bret:** He could just be a good parent and educate her.

**Sean:** You mean give her birth control and condoms?

**Hunter:** I dread to see how you raise your daughter.

_He could not take the chance of losing his daughter before she was prepared. His life depended on her growing up, learning and becoming another figure that his power would continue through, just as her brothers were currently._

**Sean:** So he's living through his children?

**Shawn:** Kind of like he does in real life with Shane.

_He was proud of his sons. Each one a true follower of his evil magic._

**Shawn:** Except the youngest. Johnny just couldn't resist being kind to children.

**All:** Aww.

_He was proudest of his first born, Shane, whose evil allowed him to take over a kingdom on the other side of the world._

**Hunter:** Like when Shane took over WCW.

**Sean:** One day, Shane will try to destroy his father.

**Shawn:** And he will fail, repent and rejoin him.

_None of Vince's children were born evil. They needed time to become._

**Sean:** Vince is like a vampire. He just sucks the goodness out of his children.

**Bret:** And most of the people around him.

_And became they did. By their 17th birthday, his children were no longer good. At 17, Vince began training his children in evil and by age 20, they went out on their own._

**Hunter:** (as Vince) And do they ever call or write to let me know how they're doing? No. I had to learn about Shane's conquest in my copy of Evil's Weekly.

_His practice had gone smoothly for 2000 years, but his only daughter was already presenting him with difficulty. She was too sweet and he sensed her goodness._

**Sean:** So, he sent her to boarding school for the evilly challenged where she could practice killing animals, and worshipping the devil.

_So, to protect her from goodness ever reaching her, he had a tower built next to his home. On the night of her twelfth birthday, Vince cast a sleeping spell on his daughter, and once Stephunzel had fallen asleep, she was carried by her father up the tower into her new room._

**Sean:** That was my next guess.

**Bret:** That is a huge invasion of privacy. I remember when I walked into my daughter Jade's room without knocking; she threw a fit.

_As Stephunzel slept, Vince went to work, sealing his daughter into her room by building a wall separating her from the tower's entrance. She couldn't go out and no one could go in._

**Shawn:** Unfortunately, Vince also made it so that no air could get in the room. The next morning Vince found that his daughter had suffocated to death.

**Hunter:** I don't mind if you kill off Vince, but could you stop killing off my wife?

**Shawn:** You started it.

_There was only one entrance to the outside. A large open arched window._

**Bret:** Three adjectives in a row is a bit much.

**Hunter:** At least she won't suffocate.

**Shawn:** Just freeze to death in winter.

**Sean:** And get eaten by the bugs in summer.

_Upon awakening, Stephunzel was completely bewildered. She was not in her old room and her father was no where to be seen._

**Sean:** For Vince had become invisible, so that he could watch his daughter as she slept.

**Bret:** That's just creepy.

_Frightened, she went to the window and saw that she was 30 feet high._

**Shawn:** (confused) She'd just had a humongous growth spurt then.

**Bret:** I think the author means that the tower was thirty feet in height. Bad wording on the author's part.

_Backing away._

**Shawn:** Backing away? Backing away from what?

**Sean:** Maybe an alarm went off when she got too close to the window.

**Bret:** Who knows; it's an incomplete sentence. That's the fourth or fifth one in this story.

**Hunter:** Who cares? Let's keep reading.

_From the window. Even more frightened, Stephunzel thought that she had been kidnapped._

**Bret:** That's six incomplete sentences, at least.

**Sean:** As you told me earlier, let it go.

_Her father always spoke of kidnappers that would take her away from all she knew and loved._

**Sean:** They would lock her up and when they came to her, they'd do horrible, unspeakable things.

**Hunter:** I'm with Bret. We need to start monitoring your viewing habits.

_"Stephunzel", came a familiar voice from outside._

**Shawn:** It should have been familiar, but Stephunzel couldn't quite place it.

_Stephunzel went back to the window and leaned out._

**Bret:** Leaning too far out, she fell to her death.

**Hunter:** Of all the people to make that kind of a joke, you're the last one I'd expect it from.

**Bret:** (realizing) You're right, that was in bad taste. Sorry.

_On the ground below was Vince. Stephunzel felt a wave of relief rush over her._

**Shawn:** (continuing the story) And it was as cold as the ocean. She shivered. (proud of himself) I'm getting the hang of this figurative language stuff.

_"Oh father, something awful has happened", cried Stephunzel. "I have been kidnapped. But thank goodness, you have come to rescue me."_

**Shawn:** Well, she's mastered the damsel in distress routine.

**Sean:** (sounding like a tv ad announcer) And you can too in just three easy steps. First, be clueless about the world around you. Second, get captured. Three, wait for someone to rescue you. Do this, and you too can be a damsel in distress. Warning: being a damsel in distress does not guarantee that you will be rescued by a prince.

**Bret:** (to Sean) I take it that you've been watching infomercials after the late night horror movies.

_"Stephunzel, you have not been kidnapped", Vince told her._

_She looked at him oddly. "But I am away from you."_

**Hunter:** That's a good thing.

_Vince replied, "Because I put you up there."_

_More confused than before, Stephunzel said, "What? Why?"_

**Shawn:** (as Vince) Because I'm a possessive egomaniac who wants you all to himself.

_"I know you are confused, and I will explain", said Vince._

**Bret:** (as Vince) What I say will be all lies, but I will explain.

_"But first," Vince commanded, "Stephunzel, Stephunzel, let down your hair, so I may climb the golden stair."_

_"My hair," Stephunzel said even more confused._

**Sean:** (as Vince) You know the stuff on your head that I never let you cut.

_"Yes, let your hair down. I will climb it to reach you," replied Vince._

**Shawn:** Wait, Stephanie…I mean, Stephunzel's only twelve, right?

**Hunter:** Yes.

**Shawn:** And Vince is a grown man…or witch…

**Hunter:** Yes.

**Shawn:** How is Stephunzel going to support his weight as he climbs?

**Hunter:** She doesn't. Vince gets more than halfway up and she falls out the window and both she and Vince fall to their deaths.

**Shawn:** You just killed your wife again.

**Hunter:** Yeah, but at least she took Vince with her.

_"But I cannot hold you," cried Stephunzel._

**Hunter:** At least she's not that dumb.

_"Yes you can. You're hair is strong," Vince said. "Now obey me."_

_And Stephunzel did. She let down her hair._

**Hunter:** I take back my last statement.

_Vince climbed Stephunzel's hair and entered the tower. He carried a small basket on his arm._

_"Now, let's eat. I brought breakfast," said Vince, who sat on the floor._

**Shawn:** (as Stephunzel) You just shut me in a tower and climbed my hair giving me a headache, excuse me if I don't feel like eating right now.

_"You said you'd explain," said Stephunzel, "Why am I here?"_

**Sean:** (becoming philosophical) Why are any of us here? Why is the sky blue?

**Hunter:** Shut up Kid.

_Vince said, "You are here because in this way, I can protect you._

_"Protect me?" Stephunzel asked._

**Bret:** (as Stephunzel, overdramatic) You don't want to protect me. You want to control my life. You don't want me to have any friends.

**Shawn:** That sounds like experience.

**Bret:** I remember when my sisters were dating. My dad used to insist on meeting every date and each time, my sisters would say something like that.

**Shawn:** And your daughters?

**Bret:** I was never that bad.

**Shawn:** (sarcastic) Right.

_"Protect me from what?"_

_"From the outside world," Vince answered, "I have told you that it is dangerous. Well, it is even more so. That is why I have built this tower and placed you here. To keep you safe."_

_"For how long?"_

**Hunter:** (as Vince) Until my current and former employees start giving me the respect I deserve.

**Shawn:** In other words, forever. (Bret and Sean look to DX knowing that they are starting to take the fan fic too personal)

_Vince answered, "Until danger has passed." And unknown to Stephunzel, that time would be her 17th birthday._

**Sean:** (to DX) See guys, this isn't directly about us.

**Hunter:** My wife and daughter are locked in the highest room of Vince's headquarters. How is this not directly about me?

**Sean:** We're this far into the story and your name has not even been mentioned.

**Hunter:** That means things can only get worse from here.

_Stephunzel looked around her new room. It was bare save for the bed and window. "But father, what will I do up here?"_

**Hunter:** Go crazy…lose your mind…soon you'll start hearing voices and answering them…

**Shawn:** (looking at Hunter, concerned) Pal…you okay…is there something we need to discuss?

_Vince replied, "You will have plenty to do Stephunzel. I will bring books and all kinds of things. Anything your heart desires, I will bring."_

**Bret:** (as Stephunzel) Bring me my freedom.

**Sean:** (as Vince) Anything but that.

_"But I'll be alone," said Stephunzel._

_"No," Vince said, "I will be around. I will visit. I'll be here everyday and we'll eat and converse."_

**Bret:** Yeah, I can just picture what happens when Stephunzel starts asking her father questions about her maturing body.

**Sean:** (as Stephunzel) Dad, why am I bleeding every month?

**Shawn:** (as Vince) Go ask your…oh wait, you can't ask your mother because I killed her. Damn.

**Hunter:** (can't believe they just discussed a women's period) Guys…really.

_Stephunzel still looked bewildered._

**Bret:** The author used the thesaurus again.

**Sean:** Why do you say that?

**Bret:** Because up till now Stephunzel's only been confused.

_She wanted to protest._

**Shawn:** (as Stephunzel) I protest this cruel and unnecessary punishment father. You cannot imprison me against my will. Even as a child, I have rights.

_But Vince stopped her._

**Hunter:** (as Vince) In this century, you have no rights.

_"Daughter," said Vince, who went to Stephunzel and held out his hands. When she'd put her hands in his, he said, "You trust me, don't you?"_

**Shawn:** (as Stephunzel) You got my mother pregnant, killed her, and took me away from my birthplace and now locked me in a tower. I trust you…about as far as I can throw you.

_Stephunzel considered her father's words, "I do, father."_

_Vince smiled, "Good. Do not worry. Everything will be fine."_

**Sean:** That is about as comforting as when Hunter says, "At least it can't get any worse."

**Hunter:** And I have stopped saying that because it always gets worse after I say it.

**Sean:** Jinx. (Hunter glared at him)

_Vince kissed her hand,_

**Shawn:** She's going to have to spend hours disinfecting her hand now.

_"Now I must go, but I will be back. And each time I come, I will say Stephunzel, Stephunzel, let down your hair so I may climb the golden stair. Understood?"_

**Bret:** (as Stephunzel) Why can't you just call my name like a normal person?

_Stephunzel nodded. She walked her father to the window and lowered her hair. Vince kissed her goodbye_

**All:** Ewww…

_and climbed down her hair. Such was the way things were for almost five years._

**Hunter:** Then Stephunzel committed suicide by jumping out the window.

**Shawn:** Hunter! You killed your wife.

**Hunter:** I only stated what I would do if I were stuck up there for five years. Hell, I'd do it after five weeks.

**Shawn:** I'm not letting you anywhere near the airlocks.

**Hunter:** Don't worry pal, I'm okay.

**Sean:** For now. (Hunter eyes him) Sorry Hunter, but you know there's got to be more to this story.

_And there is…_

_-a message from Marie_

**All:** Hi Marie.

_-message continued: Knowing that this post is longer than any previously sent, it has been decided that you should get a small break._

**Sean:** How small?

_15 minutes_

**Shawn:** Could you make it 20?

_How about 10?_

**Bret:** (realizing Shawn just angered her) We'll take the 15, if your generous nature would desire us to have it?

_It does. 15 then. Enjoy._

The writing on the screen fades, the lights come on, and our heroes walk up the aisle to exit the theater.

**Shawn:** (whispers to Bret who's next to him) Generous nature?

**Bret:** (whispers back) I had to say something nice after you almost blew 5 minutes off of our break.

**Shawn:** (little louder) I was trying to negotiate.

**Bret:** And you almost screwed us. Next time, let me do the talking.

**Hunter:** (in the lead, he turns back realizing that this is the start of an argument) Bret, Shawn…

**Shawn:** I'm second in command, you know.

**Bret:** You hardly act like it.

**Hunter:** (sighs, turns back)

**Sean:** Come on guys…

**Shawn:** Maybe you need to give me a chance.

**Bret:** I've done that enough times to know better.

**Shawn:** You are a stubborn, bitter man…

**Bret:** You're a stuck up prima donna.

**Sean:** (walks past them, joins Hunter at his side) You'd think they could come up with new insults.

Hunter and Sean were at the door and Bret and Shawn were still arguing.

**Hunter:** That's enough already!

(Bret and Shawn looked at Hunter)

**Hunter:** We're about to have a little time to relax and I will not have you two spoil that by your aging, senseless arguments. (leaves without Bret and Shawn's response, Sean follows Hunter)

End of Chapter 2

I thought that you, the reader, could use a break too.


	4. Chapter 3: First Break

Bret and Shawn ran to catch up to Hunter and Sean.

**Shawn:** Hunter…Sean…

Hunter and Sean looked at Michaels.

**Shawn:** Look guys, we're sorry. Really.

**Sean:** We're just tired of it, that's all.

**Hunter:** You two are supposed to be setting an example.

**Bret:** We know. We are sorry.

**Hunter:** It's forgiven.

Our heroes walk into the den. Hunter plops onto the couch. Sean goes on the Internet.

**Shawn:** (behind Hunter) You okay pal?

**Hunter:** I miss Stephanie and Aurora…and I'm featured somewhere in this fan fic.

**Sean:** Maybe we can find out just what else we're in store for. (typing, then excited) Found it.

**Bret:** Found what? (goes over, stands behind Sean's chair)

**Sean:** The original Rapunzel. (skimming) Well, our version is not like the original at all. A couple lives next to a witch's home…a female witch's home. The wife is pregnant. She has a craving for Rapunzel, which is a special lettuce found in the witch's garden. The husband steals some. Eventually, the witch catches him, and makes him promise to give up his child as payment. He agrees.

**Shawn:** Such a lovely story to tell your children.

**Sean:** (continues) The child's born. The witch takes her away. Names the kid Rapunzel. When Rapunzel turns twelve, she is put into a tower. (turns to look at DX and Bret) That's one part our version gets right.

**Hunter:** What else does it say?

**Sean:** (turning back to the computer, skimming, his eyes express his interest, and feelings, but the others don't see his expressions, suddenly he turns in disgust) Ugh!

**Hunter:** (concerned) What?

**Bret:** (reads over Sean's shoulder, he reacts in disgust too) Ugh!

**Hunter:** What is it?

**Sean:** Have you ever wondered what it was like to be blind?

**Hunter:** (his eyes widen) What?

Sean was about to answer when a beeping went off and Vince appeared.

**Vince:** What indeed.

**Bret:** Don't tell me time's up already.

**Vince:** Just about. What do you think about the story so far?

**Hunter:** Truly vile.

**Shawn:** And you're the vilest thing of all.

**Vince:** I know. The story captured me so well.

**Bret:** Only you would be happy to be in a fan fic.

**Vince:** As long as I'm the villain, and everybody else my helpless captives,

everything is right with the world.

**Hunter:** One of these days, it's all going to end for you.

**Vince:** Not anytime soon though and certainly not by your hands. Now, I believe you have the second part of the post to read. Let's get on with it, shall we. (disappears)

Our heroes look around at each other.

Then, the sirens and lights go off. Our heroes cover their ears.

**Hunter:** Twice in one day.

They go back in theater.

End of Chapter 3

What's in store for Hunter? Read on.


	5. Chapter 4: Stephunzel Five Years Later

Our heroes return to their seats.

During her almost five years inside the tower, Stephunzel had grown up to be a most beautiful woman. A delicate figure, pale skin

**Hunter:** I'm going to guess she still hasn't gotten much sun.

**Shawn:** And that's attractive?

**Sean:** I guess it would be to a vampire.

_and the thickest, longest, most luxurious hair._

**Shawn:** (impatient) We got it. She has great hair.

**Bret:** Jealous?

**Shawn:** Why should I be? I have fabulous hair.

**Bret:** Yeah, but whenever it gets really long, it looks stringy; it breaks and has tons of split ends.

**Shawn:** With your hair, you're one to talk.

**Hunter:** Guys, this is your last warning.

_Stephunzel even had great talent. She had the time to develop all her talents including ones in art and music. Above all she had the most beautiful singing voice._

**Sean:** I've heard Stephanie sing before. She can't carry a tune.

**Hunter:** I have to agree.

**Sean:** Although she sounds better than Jillian Hall (adding in) barely.

_Her voice was enchanting and almost entrancing. Many times even Vince found himself unable to concentrate on anything but her when he heard her voice._

**Sean:** That's because it sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard.

**Hunter:** If that's how you describe my wife's voice, how do you describe Jillian's?

**Sean:** Jillian's voice is like Freddy Kruger's fingerknives on a chalkboard. (everyone winces)

_Vince knew that that would be her power. He would work with her to develop it, to use it, to ensure that it would cause the most destruction possible._

**Bret:** He's going to buy his own record company and record her and send her songs all over the world?

**Shawn:** The human race is doomed.

_Vince had only to keep her from knowing the truth about him and her potential for another seven days. In seven days, Stephunzel would be 17._

**All:** (singing) Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday and here's to your upcoming year of evil doing, happy birthday to you.

**Sean:** (singing) And many more.

_Vince thought, as he left his home to go to Stephunzel, "It won't be much longer now."_

**Hunter:** Please, let the same be said for this fan fic.

_Meanwhile, as Stephunzel awaited her father's visit, she sat in the window, singing, as she did every morning, with the birds, her only friends._

**Shawn: **I suppose that's better than having curtains for friends.

**Sean:** She was amazed, however, as she was every morning, when her friends fell from the sky and trees, landing dead as doornails on the floor below.

**Hunter:** All right, jokes about my wife's bad voice are getting old.

_She did not realize that she was also attracting the attention of another._

**Shawn:** Another what?

**Bret:** The author's poor attempt at suspenseful writing.

_For deep in the other end of the forest, was the strong and handsome Prince Hunter._

**Sean:** (laughs out loud)

**Bret:** (can't help grinning)

**Shawn:** (can't resist a small laugh)

**Hunter:** (raising an eyebrow) What?

**Sean:** (getting himself under control) Sorry. (then laughing again) Strong and handsome!

**Hunter:** At least the fan fic got something right, although I'm surprised Vince allowed it.

**Sean:** The author should have said, "For deep in the other end of the forest was Prince Hunter, who was strong, and handsome, save for the large proboscis in the middle of his face." (Hunter glares)

**Bret:** It's comments like that that Shawn and I knew were coming.

_Prince Hunter rode through the forest on his brilliantly white stallion Shawn._

**Shawn:** What?

**Sean:** (about to laugh again) Wait…wait…Hunter is riding Shawn. (laughing) This is too good.

**Bret:** (groaning) Thanks a lot Kid, there's an image I didn't want in my mind.

**Shawn:** (outraged) I don't believe it. I'm the horse!

**Bret:** I saw you playing an ass myself.

**Shawn:** Oh cute. (to Hunter) Why am I in this stinking story? I thought this was about you and your messed up family.

**Hunter:** Maybe the author thinks that you're a part of my family. I do think about you like a brother.

**Sean:** You sure that's as far as you think of him?

**Hunter:** One more comment like that and I'll write Serpentina a love letter and sign it in your name, Kid.

_The prince had been riding all day._

**Sean:** He has a lot of stamina.

**Hunter:** (to Bret and Shawn) Either of you have paper and a pencil?

**Bret:** I do. (reaches under his seat and takes out paper and pencil)

**Shawn:** How…

**Bret:** I put it there, just in case. I like to be prepared for anything.

**Shawn:** Let me guess, Boy Scout, right?

_He was now exhausted,_

**Sean:** I'd say.

**Hunter:** (writing) Dear Serpentina,

_But he was not done._

**Sean:** He was still riding around with a big…

**Hunter:** (interrupting and writing) I must tell you how sorry I was for my earlier actions. In truth, I find you quite attractive and would enjoy functioning with you.

**Sean:** (glaring at Hunter) You wouldn't dare.

**Bret:** I'd stop saying every dirty thought came into your mind if I were you, Kid.

_He had a long way to go in order to get home. For now though, he needed rest._

**Sean:** I'll say.

**Hunter:** (writing) How's about coming to my room tonight…

**Sean:** (interrupting) I'll stop!

_He was about to turn towards his home, when he heard it._

**Hunter:** It was the sound of a tree crashing right on top of me, I mean him, putting him out of this fan fic.

_The most beautiful sound he ever heard._

**Shawn:** (singing to the tune of 'Maria' from West Side Story) Stephunzel! Stephunzel!

**Bret:** (recognizing the tune) Oh no! Shawn's gotten into the musical section of the satellite's DVD collection.

_He got off his horse and followed the voice, soon coming to a clearing, upon which a tall tower built of stone stood. It lacked a door and had only one large window. From that window, sat the most beautiful girl he ever saw._

**Shawn:** (singing) Stephunzel! Steph…(startled as Bret clasps a hand over his mouth)

**Bret:** I am asking you, as kindly as I know how, not to break into song.

_He wanted to go to her, but instead he just stood, hidden behind the bushes._

**Bret:** (still with his hand over Shawn's mouth) This author is really abusing comma usage.

**Shawn:** (mumbling through Bret's hand) Would fou get four fand off my mouf?

**Bret:** Another Broadway tune and back up it goes. (Bret took his hand away)

_He watched her finish her song and go back inside her room where she could not be seen. It wasn't long after that a man in black carrying a basket approached the tower._

**Hunter:** How did Johnny Cash, or The Undertaker enter this fic?

_Vince_

**Hunter:** That would make the most sense.

_came and Prince Hunter heard him yell,_

**Hunter:** I love cocks.

**Bret:** (to Hunter) You just couldn't resist, could you?

"_Stephunzel, Stephunzel, let down your hair so I may climb the golden stair."_

_After a moment, to the prince's astonishment, a long gold braid came through the window. It was hair. Even more astonishing, the man in black climbed it and entered the tower._

**Sean:** It's nice to see that even the author knows that climbing someone's hair is impossible.

**Shawn:** Especially if it was like Bret's hair. Vince would slide down it because of all the oil. (that earned him a glare from Bret)

**Hunter:** (referring to the old hair joke) A new twist on an old classic.

_Inside the tower, Vince stood and waited as Stephunzel brought her hair in. He helped her to tie it back up. Then, he embraced her._

**All:** Eww.

_Vince said, "How are we today?"_

**Shawn:** We? Are there suddenly two Stephunzels?

**Sean:** Vince must be drunk again. He has double vision.

"_I am fine," replied Stephunzel. "I have missed you."_

"_I have too," said Vince, "So let's sit and eat and talk."_

**Bret:** (as Vince) Just remember not to talk while you have something in your mouth.

_Stephunzel nodded and took out a cloth and placed it on the floor. She and Vince sat beside it and Stephunzel began to take out the food from the basket and place it on the cloth._

**Shawn:** Wait, the food gets to sit on the cloth, while the people are on the floor.

**Bret:** You're actually bothered by that?

**Shawn:** Stone is very cold and I hardly think that Vince installed central heating in the tower.

_Vince picked up some grapes and began eating as he conversed with his daughter. "What shall we talk about? Books, music, philosophy…"_

"_What about men?" Stephunzel quickly said._

**Sean:** She wants to talk about sex I see.

**Bret:** (looking at Shawn)

**Shawn:** What?

**Bret: **Making sure you don't break into song.

**Shawn:** Hey, even I have enough self-control to leave the Kid's line alone.

_This was an uncomfortable subject, but he indulged it, curious, "What about men?"_

"_Well you are a man," said Stephunzel._

**Hunter:** In the biological sense maybe.

"_Yes. What do you want to know?" asked Vince._

**Sean:** (as Stephunzel) Just the basics: what do men have that women don't, do men and women get the same feelings, how does it feel when having s…

**DX & Bret:** Kid!

"_How are men?" _

_Vince didn't know how to answer, "In what way?"_

**Sean:** (as Stephunzel) Oh, you know, how's it feel to make lo…

**Bret:** Kid, we're asking you to stop.

**Shawn:** I can't believe, with knowing the Kid's sick mind and the rest of our slowly dwindling ones, that Vince allowed this to be sent.

**Hunter:** Vince is one to take it for the team. As long as he gets what he wants, he doesn't mind embarrassing himself.

"_Well, I've been reading those books you gave me about heroic and brave men and was wondering that if men are so wonderful why you persist in keeping me here," said Stephunzel._

**Bret:** At least she's gotten smarter with age.

**Shawn:** Bet you Vince regrets giving her those books.

_Vince said, "Stephunzel, those books that I gave you, reluctantly I might add, are fantasy and nothing more. They have no truth in them."_

_Stephunzel was confused, "No truth?"_

**Bret:** I take back my earlier statement.

_Vince said, "They are works of fiction. Full of lies."_

_Stephunzel said, "But you gave them to me…"_

_Vince said, "To broaden your reading. And to teach you_

**Hunter:** To distrust all but me.

**Shawn:** To have faith in nothing but me.

**Bret:** To question all but me.

**Sean:** To embrace nothing but me.

_that men are no good. They lie in all they do and in all they say and also in what they write."_

**Bret:** Guess Vince would know.

**Shawn:** You realize you've just gone against your own gender.

**Bret:** Especially when it includes Vince. Come to think of it, that last line applies to you too. (Shawn makes a fist knowing that Bret is implying that Shawn lies in all he does, writes and says, but before he can throw it, Hunter holds him back)

"_But you're a man," responded Stephunzel._

**Hunter:** That's debatable.

_Then she said, "And you don't lie. You're the most honest man I know."_

**All:** (break down and laugh)

"_That's because I'm your father," replied Vince._

**Bret:** (as Vince) What being your father really means is that I can lie to you and make you actually believe every word I say.

"_I would never lie to you," said Vince, "But others would. Other men would only want one thing from you._

**DX & Bret:** (stare at Sean)

**Sean:** What?

**Bret:** This is usually the point where you say something inappropriate.

**Sean:** I could, but it's a little too obvious. I like to crack my kind of jokes when you guys least expect them.

_They would take advantage of your virtue. I do not want to see that happen."_

**Sean:** And when Stephunzel stares at him confused, he then tells her that men only want to have sex with her so that they can feel her soft, round…

**DX & Bret:** Kid!

**Sean:** See what I mean.

"_I thank you for protecting me," she replied, "But surely all men are not like that. There must be some, like you, like the ones in my books, that have honor."_

"_I assure you there are none," answered Vince._

"_But how do you know?" asked Stephunzel._

**Shawn:** Vince could clear up her confusion if he just admitted that he is not an honest man.

"_I just do," shouted Vince, finally standing. "I should never have allowed those books to cloud your mind."_

**Shawn:** So just admit that you're a liar, and shed some light for her.

**Bret:** It took him almost ten years to fully apologize to me for Montreal and you think he's going to admit his lack of integrity to his daughter?

_Stephunzel got to her feet, "Father, I did not mean to make you angry."_

"_Never question me on men again Stephunzel. One day you will know all you need to about them."_

**Sean:** (looking at Bret) Some of us are stubborn.

**Bret:** (looking at Shawn) Some of us are slobs.

**Shawn:** (looking at Hunter) Some of us have superiority complexes.

**Hunter:** (looking way down at Sean) Some of us are sick.

"_I shall go now," decided Vince._

"_Already?" replied Stephunzel._

_Vince said, "Yes. I suggest you think on this and hope that our time during our next visit can be better spent."_

**Sean:** There's so many ways to interpret that. (receiving looks from the others) But I won't.

_He said the words, which were in all actuality a spell, "Stephunzel, Stephunzel,_

**All:** (reading out loud with the screen) Let down your hair so I may climb the golden stair.

_On command, Stephunzel lowered her hair and Vince climbed down._

_Prince Hunter watched Vince climb down and leave the area. The long blonde hair was brought back into the tower. _

**Sean:** Ever wonder what would happen if someone grew their hair long enough to be a rope ladder?

**Shawn:** You'd spend three hours shampooing, three conditioning, at least, another five hours blow-drying and three hours brushing. That's at least half a day right there.

**Bret:** I can't believe you actually put any thought into that.

**Shawn:** And just by looking at your hair, I can believe why you wouldn't.

_Once Vince had been gone for several moments, Prince Hunter made his way to the tower. Standing before it, he recited, _

**Hunter:** But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Stephunzel is the sun!

"_Stephunzel, Stephunzel, let down your hair so I may climb the golden stair."_

**Hunter:** What I said is far more romantic.

**Bret:** You read Shakespeare?

**Hunter:** You can't beat the classics.

_Soon after saying the words, the golden braid descended down. The prince took it in his hands_

**Sean:** And found that it was dirty from not being washed in a week.

_and began to climb, scaling the tower wall._

**Shawn:** Kind of like Spider Man.

**Sean:** I picture Hunter as more of a Batman type character.

**Bret:** With Shawn as his Boy Wonder.

**DX:** (knowing what they're implying) Hey!

_Inside the tower, Stephunzel awaited her father's appearance. She was surprised that he came back so quickly, since he had been so angry. Perhaps though, he was coming back to forgive her._

**Bret:** Don't hold your breath.

_He must have come back with something heavy, for she could feel the extra weight and strain on her hair._

**Sean:** I think the fan fic is calling you fat Hunter.

**Hunter:** It's not fat. It's all muscle, which weighs more.

**Sean:** Hmmm…remember that when you cause Stephunzel to fall out of the window.

_Prince Hunter kept climbing until he reached the window and saw Stephunzel with her back to him._

**Shawn:** (crosses arms, as Stephunzel) You're late.

**Hunter:** I'm sorry, I was out with the boys and I guess I lost track of the time.

**Shawn:** (as Stephunzel) Even if you lost track, you should have called. I was worried sick. I thought something happened.

**Hunter:** What could happen that's anything worse than what your dad does to me?

**Shawn:** (as Stephunzel) Don't talk about my father that way. You come and go as you please. Because of you, I'm stuck here. And have I mentioned yet that the casserole the maid made is ruined, just ruined.

**Bret:** (he and Sean exchange looks) What the hell?

**Hunter:** The abridged transcript of something that took place in the first year I was married to Stephanie. And because of it, I hate tuna casserole and always make sure to call when I'm going to be late.

_Stephunzel was surprised by her father's silence, but supposed that he was waiting for her. Turning, she said, "I'm…"_

**Sean:** (as Stephunzel) Easy.

**Hunter:** (to Sean) You're pushing it.

_Her words stuck in her throat as right in front of her stood_

**Sean:** A huge and horrible monster that proceeded to tear her throat out.

_a man. Prince Hunter_

**Sean:** Close enough.

**Hunter:** Shawn, if you would change seats with me…

**Shawn:** No, Hunter. Let's keep the bloodshed to a minimum.

_looked at Stephunzel. He was surprised that she seemed scared of him._

**Bret:** Well, Hunter did just enter her room without being invited. Come to think of it, I'd be frightened to.

**Hunter:** E tu Breti?

**Bret:** I meant scared if a stranger came in, in general. And stop quoting Shakespeare.

_Stephunzel was scared and backed away. When the prince came closer, she backed away further._

**Shawn:** She can't back up much further. It's not that big of a room.

"_Why do you shrink from me?" asked Hunter. _

**Shawn:** Wait. Stephunzel shrunk.

**Sean:** Yeah, she's only three inches tall.

**Bret:** I think the author means shrinks as in shrinks back in fear. (rolls his eyes at Shawn and Sean)

_Stephunzel did not answer. She just stared at him. _

**Hunter:** Hey, don't tell me she's trying to hypnotize me.

**Sean:** (to the screen) Tell Hunter to bark like a dog! (Hunter glares at him)

"_Can you not speak?" asked Prince Hunter._

**Shawn:** Hunter, you know the dangers of asking Stephanie to talk.

**Hunter:** Yeah, I will admit, she doesn't shut up.

"_I can," answered Stephunzel, "Just not to your kind."_

"_My kind?" asked the prince._

**Hunter: **I have a kind now?

_Stephunzel spoke, "You are a man."_

_The prince smiled, "Why, yes I am."_

**Sean:** Though there is some speculation on the subject.

**Bret:** (seeing Hunter looking at Sean) Kid, be quiet already.

"_Is that a problem?"_

**Sean:** (about to open his mouth) Oww!

**DX:** (look at Sean)

**Sean:** Bret hit me in the arm.

**Bret:** Anything to keep the peace.

Hunter: (to Bret) Thanks.

"_I am not to talk to men," replied Stephunzel._

_The prince said, "Why not?"_

_Stephunzel said, "My father said not to."_

"_No offense, but your father is a man. You talk to him."_

**Shawn:** Didn't we just read almost this same conversation?

"_Because he is my father," said Stephunzel, "And he told me to talk to no other man."_

"_Why?"_

"_For you are evil and want only one thing from a woman such as myself."_

**Hunter:** We did read something similar earlier. (eyes wide) The fic's repeating.

_The prince said, "I only want your name."_

"_My name?"_

**Bret:** You know, the thing that your father gave you.

**Shawn:** When he wanted to stop calling you, 'Hey you.'

_She did not expect that this man would want her name. Softening, she said, "It is Stephunzel."_

**Hunter:** And I hope my character would now ridicule you for having such an awful name.

"_Beautiful name," said the prince._

**Hunter:** So much for being portrayed realistically.

"_Thank you," she said, "And what is yours?"_

"_I am Prince Hunter."_

"_A prince! Are you really a prince?"_

**Hunter:** I said I was.

**Sean:** (as Stephunzel) I'd like to see your birth certificate.

"_Unless my parents have been lying to me all these years," said Hunter._

**Sean:** They have been. You're adopted and your real mother worked in a tavern and your father, well, she didn't know him.

**Hunter:** (to Shawn) Pal, I'm asking you…

**Shawn:** Kid, I'm asking you to cut it out.

**Bret:** (to Shawn) You want me to hit him again?

**Sean:** I'll be good. (to Hunter) Geesh. You're taking this so personally.

"_Where is your kingdom?" asked Stephunzel._

"_Through the forest. I was on my way home when I heard your voice. And now I don't want to go," said the prince._

_Stephunzel's eyes grew large, "But you must."_

**Sean:** Because she turns into a monster when the sun sets. (gets glared at by Bret) I can't help it.

_More urgently, she said, "My father must not see you here. If he does, I don't know what he'll do, but he'll do something. Please, go."_

"_On only one condition," said the prince._

_Stephunzel asked, "What?"_

**Bret:** (as Prince Hunter) Sleep with me. (puts a hand over his mouth, Hunter gives Bret a look)

**Sean:** For once, I didn't say it.

**Shawn:** Sean's mouth is contagious. It even spreads to the most moral of us.

"_Let me kiss you," said Prince Hunter._

"_Kiss me?"_

**Hunter:** That's right, she's never been kissed before.

**Shawn:** That's not the real Stephanie then. (Hunter looks at him) Sorry. Sean's spreading.

"_All right," said Stephunzel._

_The prince came to her and _

**Sean:** Attempted to kiss her, but poked her eye with his huge proboscis instead.

**Hunter:** That's it!

Hunter jumped over the row in front of our heroes and came up to Sean. Sean got up and leaped over the aisle in back of our heroes' seats. Hunter then started to jump over theater chairs after him.

Bret and Shawn watched until Hunter and Sean were out of the theater.

**Shawn:** Should we go after them?

**Bret:** Can't keep saving their butts. They'll never learn that way.

**Shawn:** (smiles) It was nice of Vince to show us that footage of what Hunter and Sean said when we were having our little moment.

**Bret:** Yep.

_He kissed her gently on the lips._

**Bret:** (after reading that line) Then again, seeing those two beat each other up is probably going to be better than reading this fic.

Bret and Shawn get up and leave the theater.

End of Chapter 4

I know long chapter, but I hope you liked it. I certainly had fun writing it.


	6. Chapter 5: Unscheduled Break

Bret and Shawn found the Kid and Hunter lying on the living room floor out of breath and sweaty.

**Bret:** What happened?

**Shawn:** I'm not sure I really want to know.

**Sean:** (pointing at Hunter) He's crazy. He put me in a headlock.

**Hunter:** He bit me.

**Sean:** To get free. It didn't work.

**Hunter:** So he slammed my face into the couch.

**Sean:** Don't worry; his nose took the worst of it.

**Hunter:** Lay off my nose.

**Bret:** I think you both need to lay off the caffeine and sugar for a while.

**Shawn:** It just gets you guys too wound up. (to Bret) Oh God, (Bret looks at him) we don't act like this, do we?

**Hunter and Sean:** (answering) Yes!

A familiar beeping sounds. Our heroes moan as Vince appears on the screen.

**Vince:** Who gave you a break?

**Bret:** No one. We were experiencing…(not wanting to tell, but knowing he can't lie) some hostility.

**Vince:** Oh, good then. Please, hurt each other.

**Hunter:** We're done now Vince.

**Vince:** Pity, but it proves that one thing.

**Shawn:** What's that?

**Vince:** That I am so close to breaking you. So close to winning. (laughs maniacally and disappears from the screen)

**Hunter:** (standing) He won't win, not if I can help it.

**Shawn:** You okay?

**Hunter:** Yeah.

**Bret:** What about you Kid?

**Sean:** (wearily) I can go a whole nother round. (Hunter looks at him) With the fan fic, not you.

**Hunter:** Let's go then.

They reenter the theater.

End of Chapter 5

Conclusion to Stephunzel coming up.


	7. Chapter 6: Stephunzel's Conclusion

Our heroes take their seats.

_The kiss ended. Stephunzel once more let down her hair, but before he left, the prince said, "When can I see you again?"_

**Hunter:** Not until Vince lets us go from this cursed satellite.

**Shawn:** Pal, really, stop taking this personally. It will not help your mind.

_Stephunzel thought, "Tomorrow afternoon."_

**Bret:** Could you maybe give a time? You know, there are a few hours in the afternoon.

"_I'll see you then," said the prince. He kissed her again and then left._

**Sean:** Using Stephunzel's hair like a fireman's pole.

**All:** Weee!

_The next afternoon, Prince Hunter returned as he'd said he would. He and Stephunzel spent much time together in the next few days._

**Sean:** Much time doing what?

**Shawn:** We don't want the details. Moving on.

_Four days after their first meeting, the prince and Stephunzel laid together._

**Sean:** That was fast.

**Shawn:** I didn't want to read that.

**Bret:** Some things are just better left up to the imagination.

_As they held each other, the prince had a thought._

**Hunter:** We really shouldn't be doing this considering your father could catch us at any moment.

"_Come away with me," he said._

"_Away with you?" she asked._

"_To my kingdom. I cannot bare to be without you anymore."_

**Bret:** First of all, isn't it the King and Queen's kingdom?

**Hunter:** Your point being?

**Bret:** It's not your kingdom. It's your parents, and I'd like to see you explain this to them.

**Hunter:** I'd expect them to act the same way mine did in real life.

**Shawn:** You mean nearly disown you for marrying someone they thought was beneath you.

**Hunter:** Yeah, if I hadn't proven that Stephanie had a lot of money, my parents would still refuse to talk to me this day.

"_But how will we get out," Stephunzel wondered._

"_We can get out the window by your hair," said the prince._

"_I cannot climb down my own hair," she said._

**Sean:** Yeah genius.

**Hunter:** (sees that Shawn is looking at him to see how he reacts to Sean's insult) I'm fine. It was a pretty stupid idea.

"_I suppose not," the prince thought and then snapped his fingers, "I've got it."_

**All:** Eureka!

"_You can sew, right?" he asked Stephunzel._

_Stephunzel answered, "Yes."_

**Shawn:** No offense pal, but I've never even seen Stephanie pick up a sewing needle.

**Hunter:** She doesn't have to. Our maid does all the sewing. Not that there's a lot, Stephanie and I throw out most of our clothes when they get holes in them. It's not like we can't afford new ones.

**Bret:** You know, you could fix up your old clothes and give them to people who need them.

**Sean:** Gasp! And have the commoners all dressing like the King of Kings?

"_Then here's what you do. Take your sheets and even some of your clothes and sew them together," said the prince._

"_For what purpose?" asked Stephunzel._

"_To make a ladder, which when ready, we'll hang it out the window, climb down it, mount my horse_

**All (but Shawn):** (snicker)

**Shawn:** Hey.

_and ride off to my castle."_

**Bret:** Technically, your parents' castle.

"_But what of my father?" she wondered._

**Hunter:** He is not living with us. Ever.

"_I can't just leave him," said Stephunzel._

"_Darling, I know you love your father, but he locked you in a tower," said the prince._

"_For my own good."_

"_Don't I prove that perhaps your father was wrong?"_

**Bret:** You're going to make her confused again.

_Stephunzel looked at him with bewildered eyes._

**Bret:** See.

**Sean:** She's spent half of this fan fic in a bewildered or confused state.

_Soon, her confusion cleared as she thought about what the prince, her prince, had said. "You are right."_

**Hunter:** The man is always right.

**Shawn:** Don't ever let Stephanie hear you say that.

**Hunter:** It's nice to dream though.

"_I will go with you," Stephunzel decided._

_So, for two days and two nights, Stephunzel worked to sew together her clothes and sheets to make a ladder from the cloth. _

**Bret:** Now I'm confused.

**Shawn:** Ooh, shocker. (Bret looks at him) Not that you're confused. Just that you're admitting it.

**Bret:** You've been pretty good for a while. Don't ruin it.

**Hunter:** As you were saying Bret.

**Bret:** If the prince comes from a great kingdom, why can't he just get a rope bridge or ladder? Anything would be quicker, and possibly sturdier, than having Stephunzel sew cloth together.

**Shawn:** You're forgetting the most important rule: never try to make sense of bad fan fic.

**Bret:** Need I remind you that you tried to make sense of it earlier. (Shawn looks at him)

_She naturally had to hide such work from her father when he visited, but Vince knew something was going on._

**Sean:** His witch's sense tingled.

_For instance, Vince had seen horseshoe prints at forest's edge._

**All (but Shawn):** (snicker)

**Shawn:** I still don't see what's so funny.

_And where there was a horse, there was a man._

**Hunter:** That's quite a big leap for Vince.

_And a man spelled trouble, for if one even got a glimpse at Stephunzel or heard her voice, he'd never stop trying to take her from him._

**Sean:** (to Hunter) That's not good for you, Hunter.

**Hunter:** Why do you say that? Wait, what did you read earlier about this story?

**Sean:** You'll find out.

**Hunter:** (sighs) Knew I should have paid more attention to fairy tales.

_Vince had to know if his daughter had seen or heard anything._

**Shawn:** Unless something happened to her eyes or ears, she should have seen and heard something.

_So on the day before Stephunzel's 17__th__ birthday, Vince took breakfast to his daughter as he did everyday. As they spoke and ate, Vince studied his daughter._

**Bret:** There was a test later.

_He wanted to judge her expression when he asked her what he wanted to ask. What he realized just by looking at her was that her appearance had changed slightly. Oh, her face was the same, her hair too, but her eyes. They had a life in them he had not seen before. _

**Bret:** Perhaps now because she was having a life.

_And her skin glowed. She looked radiant and her smile was brighter._

**Hunter:** The expression of a woman in love. Stephanie looks like that.

**Shawn:** Rebecca used to.

_She was also very talkative. She went on and on and on._

**Hunter:** Yeah, I will admit, Steph babbles when happy.

**Shawn:** Rebecca used to.

**Hunter:** Pal, come on. Remember, one day at a time.

**Bret:** Huh?

**Hunter:** Shawn's got this addiction, sort of, for feeling sorry for himself about Rebecca. So, we're treating his addiction like Alcoholic's Anonymous would.

**Bret:** How many days has it been?

**Shawn:** 22 hours.

**Hunter:** Beats the 8 hours from the first time we started this, and the 14 from the second. Now, we're back at 0.

_When Vince could finally get a word in, he said, "Sounds like you have been very busy."_

**Sean:** He doesn't know the half of it.

"_I've tried. I've tried to do as you wish," said Stephunzel._

"_Yes, I know. Soon, you shall be able to come out of here," said Vince._

**Bret:** Sooner than even Vince thinks.

"_Really," said Stephunzel keeping her voice a calm as possible._

"_Yes, the danger to you is almost past," replied Vince, "especially if I ever find out who is responsible for the tracks in the forest."_

**Sean:** Shawn.

**Shawn:** Not my fault. It's Hunter's. He rode me…(realizing what he just said) I mean…

**Bret:** We got it. Moving on.

"_Tracks?" inquired Stephunzel._

"_Yes," said Vince, "there is a stranger in the forest. A man, I think."_

"_But most likely not, right?"_

"_Oh, I am most sure," and then he smiled._

**Hunter:** I'm in for it then.

"_And when I find him, I will deal with him."_

"_What will you do?" asked Stephunzel, trying hard to control her emotions._

"_For seeing what is mine, I will take from him what he needs to see."_

"_Meaning what exactly?"_

**All:** (stare at the screen intently to see what Vince will do)

_Vince explained, "Meaning I will remove his very eyes from their sockets and devour them."_

**All:** (disgusted) Ugh!

**Hunter:** Vince is going to eat my eyeballs?

**Shawn:** (looks sick)

**Bret:** I suddenly got a vision in my head of that scene from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, where all the people sit down to dinner and the heroine almost eats eyeball soup.

**Shawn:** (looks really sick)

**Hunter:** Not helping Bret. And as for you Kid, you could have warned me.

**Sean:** Hunter, this is so different from the original fairy tale that I didn't want to worry you.

**Hunter:** Worry in what way?

**Sean:** The original is bad enough, so I didn't want to worry you because I had a feeling that this story would make the incident worse, and I was right.

"_Father!" Stephunzel gasped in horror. "You can't be serious."_

"_I am very serious," said Vince, "No man who lays his sight on you may keep it."_

_Stephunzel put down her breakfast, most displeased by this news._

**Hunter:** I hope she's 'most displeased'.

**Shawn:** Personally, I would have thrown up my breakfast if I was her.

_Vince saw his daughter's expression, "You seem distraught by this."_

"_I just think it is unnecessary, is all," replied his daughter._

**Hunter:** So do I.

"_I assure you, my dear, it is most necessary."_

"_But perhaps it is just someone passing through," said Stephunzel._

"_I think not. Tracks are too fresh. And anyone upon seeing this tower would want to investigate."_

**Bret:** Well, you did put an awful large tower deep in the forest. You think you could have been any more conspicuous?

"_I really don't think…"_

_Vince interrupted her, "Why are you contradicting me so?"_

"_I am not…"_

_He interrupted again, "Something is going on with you. I've been sensing it these past few days."_

**Sean:** Vince must have a built in virgin alarm or something.

"_Nothing is going on, father."_

_Vince did not reply. Instead, he wandered around the room._

**Shawn:** (singing) Cause he's the wanderer, yeah, the wanderer.

_He came to Stephunzel's closet. Stephunzel realized in horror that she hadn't closed it all the way, so now her father could look into it just slightly._

**Bret:** (sarcastic) Nice job.

_As she looked on, she saw her father pull out something. She knew that it was her cloth rope before he even pulled it out._

**Hunter:** The jigs up.

**Sean:** Yep, your eyes are goners.

"_What is this?" Vince said demandingly._

**Bret:** (to the screen) Just say that you were thinking about finally getting your hair cut, so you built a rope, so that Vince would realize that he still had a way to get in the tower.

**Shawn:** Quick thinking. Let me guess, you got into trouble a lot as a kid.

**Bret:** A lot more than my parents ever knew about.

**Shawn:** The truth finally comes out. My image of you is so tainted.

"_It's nothing," Stephunzel tried to say._

_Vince cut her off, "You were," he almost couldn't say it, "You were trying to leave me."_

"_No," she protested._

"_Then explain," Vince said._

**Sean:** (as Stephunzel) I'm a woman. I just couldn't resist Hunter's big chest and arms…

**Hunter:** Coming from you, that's just creepy.

_Stephunzel did explain, "I…I met a man."_

_Vince stared, "You what?"_

_Stephunzel spoke rapidly, "I met a man. He came up here seven days ago. We've been together ever since. And yes, we did decide to leave for his home together. I felt so bad not telling you, but now you know. And you couldn't have been serious earlier. He's such a nice man. A prince if you must know._

**Bret:** (as Stephunzel) And he's sweet and charming. He loves me and he's asked me to marry him.

**Hunter:** That's going to go over about as well as when Stephanie originally told Vince that we were getting married.

_And I love him."_

_Vince was enraged. He walked up to his daughter and slapped her. She fell to the ground, shocked more than hurt._

**Hunter:** As much as I despise Vince, there is no way in hell that he would ever slap Stephanie.

"_You have betrayed me," Vince said, fuming._

"_No, father, I…"_

"_Enough!"_

**Shawn:** I'm imagining steam coming from Vince's ears and his eyes bugging out.

_Vince stared disapprovingly at his daughter, "It is clear that all my efforts have been in vain."_

_He went to his daughter, who was still on the ground._

**Hunter:** Steph is not that helpless.

**Sean:** In this, she is.

_Vince pulled Stephunzel up by her hair. _

**Bret:** That's illegal.

**Shawn:** Coming from someone who tossed Curt Hennig by his hair on at least three separate occasions.

**Bret:** Because he did it first.

_To Stephunzel's amazement, Vince was stroking her hair, "What are you doing?"_

"_Doing what must be done," replied Vince._

**Bret:** Why do I feel like the words, "This is going to hurt me more than you," should appear here?

_From his pocket, Vince pulled out a pair of scissors and proceeded to cut her hair._

**Shawn:** Images of Wrestlemania 23 are running through my mind.

**Sean:** You don't think Vince will shave her as bald as he was shaved, do you?

**Hunter:** He had better not touch a hair on her head. (the others look at him) In real life.

_Later that afternoon, Prince Hunter arrived as he had before. As he was accustomed to, he called out, "Stephunzel, Stephunzel, _

**All:** (reading along with the story) Let down your hair so I may climb the golden stair.

**Sean:** Which, unless Vince installed a shower in the tower, must be really disgusting right about now.

_When Prince Hunter reached the tower window, he climbed in. His beloved had her back to him. He approached, longing to hold his love._

**Hunter:** I know the feeling.

_When he was right behind her, Stephunzel turned…_

**Sean:** And Hunter found himself looking at the eyeless face of his beloved.

**Hunter:** Aah! (falling off his seat)

**Shawn:** (looking down at his fallen friend) You okay?

**Hunter:** (getting up) I'm going to kill the Kid.

_Instead of his beloved's face looking at the prince adoringly, Vince's face eyed him maliciously._

**Bret:** Hunter, what's worse, Stephanie's eyeless face or Vince's malicious one?

**Hunter:** Stephanie's eyeless face. At least I can pummel Vince's face.

_Vince had waited for the prince. After casting a spell on his daughter, sending her far away, he had put on her clothes and created a wig from her hair._

**Sean:** And now Vince has resorted to dressing in drag.

**Hunter:** (getting the image in his mind) Oh God! Vince in Steph's clothes.

_The prince unnerved by the sight before him spoke, "Where is Stephunzel?"_

"_Where you will never find her. You will never see her again," Vince smile grew, "In fact, you will never see anything again."_

**Hunter:** (moans, the others look over and see him covering his eyes) I can't read this.

_Vince struck out, viciously attacking the prince. Knocking the younger man down, immobilizing the man's limbs,_

**Bret:** And Hunter is down for the count.

**Hunter:** (still covering eyes) What just happened?

**Shawn:** Vince pinned you.

**Hunter:** (groans)

_Vince leaned over and went for his eyes. With long fingernails, Vince removed the prince's eyes and gobbled them down._

**All (but Hunter):** Ugh!

**Hunter:** (with hands over eyes) What happened now?

**Sean:** Vince ate your eyeballs. He didn't even salt and pepper them first.

**Shawn:** Oh! I'm going to throw up.

**Bret:** Put your head between your legs and breathe. (Shawn does, Bret rubs Shawn's back until Shawn's feeling of nausea passes) The things I do for you.

_With the prince's eyes gone, Vince released him to the outside, so that the prince had to wander alone._

**Sean:** (seeing Hunter still covering his eyes) I think you can uncover your eyes now, Hunter.

**Hunter:** Depends. What am I doing?

**Sean:** Wandering alone. (Hunter finally looked up at the screen)

_So it was for a year that the prince wandered alone through the forest._

**Shawn:** (weakly) Ugh…(sitting up after recovering from his nausea)

**Bret:** Feeling better?

**Shawn:** Yeah.

_Prince Hunter had no idea where he was. He felt his way through. He slept in caves and lived off of berries and roots._

**Hunter:** And one day I eat some poisonous berries, die, thereby putting myself out of my misery and ending this fan fic.

_Amazingly, he survived._

**Hunter:** Damn. Someone kill me already. (the others look at him worriedly)

_He survived by thinking of Stephunzel. Her beauty and smile and gentleness. He longed to be with her again._

**Sean:** Just as the real Hunter longs to be with Stephanie.

**Hunter:** Actually, at this point, I long for this fan fic to be over.

_Just as the chances of ever being with Stephunzel again seemed unlikely, it was then that he heard it. _

**Bret:** It being?

_A voice. An enchanting voice._

**Bret:** Oh.

_It was the same voice the prince had fallen in love with. At first, he even thought he'd imagined it. But as he moved towards it, it grew stronger until he knew for sure._

**Shawn:** That, yes, it was his imagination.

**Hunter:** Upon that realization, I plunged into a fast moving river and drowned.

**Sean:** Stop coming up with ways to kill yourself, Hunter; I want that job.

_Stephunzel was there singing in a small clearing in the forest. Her back was to the prince, and her attention was focused on something else._

**Sean:** It was focused on the man in front of her. They kissed. Upon hearing that kiss, Prince Hunter walked away, came to a spot, laid down and died of a broken heart.

**Hunter:** I don't need your help.

_The prince moved towards Stephunzel. Stephunzel heard the bushes behind her and turned. She stared at the prince in shock._

**Bret:** I would too if I was looking at someone without eyes.

_Her heart broke at the sight of him. Placing down her bundle, she went to him._

**Hunter:** Finally, some compassion. It's about time.

**Sean:** But you said damn compassion earlier.

**Hunter:** Not when it's compassion for me.

"_My prince."_

"_Stephunzel, is that you?"_

**Sean:** (as Stephunzel) Don't you know your own girlfriend?

**Hunter:** The last time I thought I did, I lost my eyes. Forgive me for not being too trusting right now.

"_It is. Oh, my prince," said Stephunzel, taking him into her arms. They embraced for what seemed an eternity._

**Shawn:** When in reality, the embrace lasted only a minute.

"_Follow me. Lean on me," she said, leading him to the area she'd gotten up from._

**Bret:** As she was leading him, the prince tripped and nearly fell on her.

**Hunter:** (sarcastic) Thanks.

_As she led him, the prince took in her touch, and her scent._

**Shawn:** After smelling her, he knew that she hadn't taken a bath for a while.

_He felt her shorter shoulder length hair. It had grown back over the past year._

**Bret:** But it would never be the same.

_She helped the prince sit down. He felt a blanket under him. _

"_I have something to show you," said Stephunzel, "Hold out your arms." _

_The prince did._

**Sean:** As he's doing that, Stephunzel takes out a knife and plunges it into his heart.

**Hunter:** God Kid, stop already!

**Sean:** Just keeping up with the mood of the fan fic.

_Stephunzel placed an object in his arms. The prince felt it wiggle. It was alive._

**Bret:** (as Stephunzel) Meet my pet raccoon. Can I keep it?

**Shawn:** A raccoon?

**Bret:** They're in a forest.

_Stephunzel leaned into the prince and spoke into his ear, "Say hello to your daughter."_

**All (but Hunter):** Hello Aurora.

**Hunter:** Guys, we don't know that that's the baby's name.

**Shawn:** What else would it be considering the rest of this story?

"_My daughter? How?," he said in surprise._

**Bret:** (to Hunter) Don't tell me you need the talk.

**Hunter:** You try it, I'll hurt you.

"_We made her. She is a product of our love," she said._

**Shawn:** Product of your lust is more like it. Sinners.

**Hunter:** Thanks for the support, pal.

_Stephunzel said, "Her name is Aurora."_

**Hunter:** And thank you, Marie, for dragging my daughter into this.

"_My daughter. And my love," the prince said. He leaned and kissed Stephunzel. Then, he became overwhelmed and began to cry. _

**Sean:** Men aren't supposed to cry.

**Hunter:** I've had a hard time. I think I'm entitled.

"_My darling. It's all right," whispered Stephunzel lovingly. "We're together. That's all that matters. Nothing will tear us apart again."_

**Bret:** Nothing until the wild animals get to them. (Hunter looks at him with a look of disgust at the thought)

_Even the baby began to cry, and so Stephunzel did the only thing she knew to comfort them both. _

**Sean:** She does it and we've got an X-rating in the making.

**All (but Sean):** Kid!

_She sang. _

**Hunter:** If she's got Stephanie's voice, then I wish she would stab me. It would be less painful.

_After a few moments, the baby quieted and the prince had calmed. He rested his head on his love's breast._

**Hunter:** Now that is more comforting.

**Sean:** I knew it.

_Suddenly, something was heard walking in the forest, coming towards the family. The prince sat up. Stephunzel took the baby in her arms. The prince kneeled ready to stand in case danger was coming to them. He had a hand on his sword._

**Sean:** Okay, would anyone here trust Hunter with a sword if he didn't have his sight?

**Bret:** I wouldn't trust Hunter with a sword even if he had his sight.

**Hunter:** Don't worry Bret; I don't use a sword. I use a sledgehammer.

**Bret:** (sarcastic) That's comforting.

_The prince was ready to defend his family against any threat._

**Hunter:** Please be Vince. I'd really love to cut his head off.

_The figure moved closer to the family, and came out of the bushes. _

**Hunter:** And I charged, aiming my sword at the head.

_It was the prince's horse._

**Sean:** Before he could stop himself, the prince cut off Shawn's head.

**Shawn:** (screaming in Hunter's ear) Aah!

**Hunter:** (checking his hearing) Gee, Shawn.

**Shawn:** You killed me.

**Hunter:** I did not. The Kid made me kill you.

_Stephunzel put a hand on the prince's shoulder, "It's a horse."_

"_A horse?" said the prince. He went up to the white stallion. He touched its nose. "It is. It's my horse."_

**Bret:** Possessive much Hunter?

**Sean:** Always knew Hunter owned Shawn's ass.

**Hunter:** (his hand becomes a fist)

**Shawn:** (stopping Hunter) Don't. I'll kill the Kid for that one.

_Overjoyed, Hunter planted a kiss on the horse's nose._

**DX:** (disgusted) Ugh!

**Hunter:** No offense pal, whether you're human or a horse, I don't like you that way.

**Shawn:** Contrary to other fan fic featuring us together, the feelings mutual.

"_We're saved," shouted the prince. "My horse will take us home."_

_Stephunzel was equally overjoyed. She packed up her belongings and her daughter and mounted the horse._

**Shawn:** Ugh.

**Bret:** Okay, Shawn, you're the horse. People mount horses. Get over it.

**Shawn:** If there's another one of these twisted fairy tales, I hope you're the horse. See how you feel.

_The prince got on the horse behind her, and they rode off._

**Bret:** Into the sunset.

**Hunter:** That sounds like an ending to me. Let's go. (gets up)

**Shawn:** (pulls Hunter down) There's more.

**Hunter:** Damn.

_The horse led them to the prince's castle, where Prince Hunter's parents had been waiting for a year for their son to come home. They had wondered just where he had gotten to._

**Sean:** Wait, your parents waited for you for a year and never sent out a search party?

**Hunter:** That sounds like the one time I ran away from home. I was gone for a day. My parents never even called the police. They just waited for me to come home on my own.

_They were happy to have their son home, happy to meet their new daughter-in-law_

**Hunter:** Wait. When did I marry her?

**Bret:** When you realized that you couldn't just tell your parents that you two had had sex out of wedlock.

_and happy to have a granddaughter. However, they were sad that their son had lost his eyes._

**Hunter:** That's it? They're sad?

_Prince Hunter's father was enraged at the news. He sent an army to capture the witch responsible for his son's missing eyes._

**Hunter:** That's more like it.

**Shawn:** How is Stephunzel going to take it when they find Vince and burn him at the stake?

_Unfortunately, the king's men never did find Vince. Stephunzel's father seemed to have disappeared. _

**All:** Uh oh.

_Indeed, Vince went on to another village and found another unsuspecting maiden._

**Sean:** Here we go. The cycle begins again.

**Hunter:** Will this story never end?

_Although he would go on to raise more children to follow his footsteps, he never forgot the one who got away. He never stopped loving his Stephunzel._

**Shawn:** In any other context, that would be almost sweet.

_Vince kept his ears open for news of Stephunzel. That is how he knew of his granddaughter and how he knew when Stephunzel and the prince were crowned queen and king._

**Bret:** Okay, I've kept my mouth quiet about that, but I can't take it anymore.

**Shawn:** Can't take what anymore?

**Bret:** When the author says Prince, King, and Queen alone, she forgets to capitalize. Those are titles. They're important.

**Shawn:** And since you've now commented, do you feel better?

**Bret:** A little.

_Vince also knew of his granddaughter's beauty, as it was the talk of the kingdom. That made him think and plan._

**Hunter:** He's going to go after my daughter?

_All Vince needed was to wait for the right time. _

_Hunter:_ The right time?

_Shawn:_ Easy pal.

_The End._

**Bret:** What? No happily ever after?

**Hunter:** I don't think there can be a happily ever after if Vince is plotting to go after my baby. Plus, I'm still blind.

**Sean:** Yeah, I can see that putting a strain on yours and Stephunzel's marriage. You become depressed. She feels unable to help you. Unsatisfied, she seeks fulfillment from one of the servants. You find out about it and become so depressed that you jump off the castle. Thereby, leaving your daughter unprotected.

**Hunter:** You know what else is unprotected.

**Sean:** What?

**Hunter:** Your head…which is a perfect place to hit with my sledgehammer. (jumps out of his seat)

**Shawn:** (holding Hunter back) Easy Hunter.

**Bret:** (standing in front of Sean) Great. Here we go again. Nice going Kid.

**Sean:** (to Bret) I'm sorry. At least, I have you and Shawn to protect me.

**Shawn:** I'm not protecting you. I'm keeping Hunter from doing something he'll regret later. (feels Hunter calming) Easy Hunter. (starts rubbing his back) There we go. Breathe deep. And remember your sledgehammer is back on Earth.

**Bret:** I suggest we vacate the theater.

**Shawn:** Good idea.

Chapter 7 completed

That was long, wasn't it? Thanks for reading.


	8. Chapter 7: Unhappily Ever After

Our heroes exit the theater. Shawn is still rubbing Hunter's back and shoulders to keep him calm.

**Shawn:** (to Hunter) You better now?

**Hunter:** I think so. That was just so long and drawn out. None of the fan fics starring you guys were that long.

**Sean:** At least we know who Vince hates the most now.

**Bret:** And all this time, I thought it was me.

**Shawn:** I thought it was me, actually.

**Sean:** I think Marie hates you more than Vince, Shawn because she's such a huge Bret Hart fan.

**Shawn:** On the plus side, the fan fic's over and we're alive…not 100 percent sane, but alive.

**Hunter:** Till the sequel.

**Shawn:** You don't think…

**Hunter:** The villain's alive…plotting…I think so.

**Bret:** Well, we can't worry about it.

**Shawn:** We can't?

**Bret:** What good would it do? Vince is going to send whatever he wants and we can't think about what he sends ahead of time. That will drive us nuts, and make as paranoid as the Kid.

**Sean:** Hey, I'm over my paranoia. I found a great outlet. (puts his hands together) Think of ways to kill Hunter.

**Hunter:** (tenses)

**Shawn:** (rubs Hunter's back again) Don't you have something to work on in the holoporter?

**Sean:** I do in fact. Just waiting for Vince. Speaking of which, where is he? He's usually asking us how the fic was by now.

**Vince:** (appearing) So how was the fic?

Our heroes look at the screen.

**Sean:** What, no warning?

**Vince:** I didn't think you needed one. (looking at Hunter) I see Hunter's looking a little out of sorts.

**Bret:** It's been rough here.

**Vince:** I know. But cheer up, I've got some good news for you.

**Shawn:** You had a change of heart, and are letting us come home?

**Vince:** I meant good news for me. I have several new fan fics for you.

**All:** (groan)

**Vince:** And I think next time, I'll send you one with horrible spelling and grammar. Just to annoy Bret.

**Bret:** Thanks.

**Shawn:** Maybe he does hate you the most Hitman.

**Hunter:** No, Vince hates me the most. I know that now.

**Vince:** Good. Now, I think I'll go up and let Stephunzel, I mean Stephanie, know just how defeated her husband looks. Till next time gentlemen. (disappears)

**Bret:** And we lived unhappily ever after.

The End

Thanks for reading. Thanks for being patient too. I've had a lot going on lately, so I had to take a break from writing. Hope you liked this story. Hope to have another done soon.


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